Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
