I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize