You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
