I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
