I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
