Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
