last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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