Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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