so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
