I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
