I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize