Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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