My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize