foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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