operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
