we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
