I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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