Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Randomize