remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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