Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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