Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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