Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
