Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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