dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
