Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
