then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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