I hate all girls vehemently.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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