so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
