so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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