I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
