haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize