You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
