Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
