are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we're making bets on your personal life
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
