I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
