just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
