Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
