I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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