hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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