90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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