Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Drunk is a universal language darling
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
