what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
