i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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