Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
