forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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