i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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