I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize