I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
