It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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