May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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