Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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