The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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