I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
