the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
