hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
