he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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