she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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