Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize