whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
