what day is it and did you see me today?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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