Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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