Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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